If you are the dominant one – step up and take charge

This is aimed at the dominant one in any sexual scenario. This is typically a man, but it could also be any gender at all.

In any sexual encounter, generally someone needs to take charge and make a decision. In your day to day life most people like to have an input into what is happening / going on. When choosing a film to watch, you want to be part of that choice, when ordering food at a restaurant you probably want to choose your own dish, when moving in your day to day life you want to be in control of your own path. This rule does not apply to the bedroom.

What the submissive wants

If you are a sub (and you are either a sub or a dom) you enjoy having all the decisions made. You like having it taken care of, being guided or even told what to do, and you enjoy doing as you are told (in the bedroom this is). What you get out of it is a complete relief from any and all responsibility of what takes place in the bedroom. You get to lie back and allow it to happen. You don’t have to ask questions of right or wrong, should or shouldn’t, you get to just DO. This is a hugely liberating position to be in, you have all of the pleasure of enjoying the ride without having to drive. Most people think that to be a sub is to give up your power, but you know that you just have to say “no” to make everything stop... and until then you get to ride your way to extasy.

For the Dom – understand this for freedom to step up

Many people don’t like to step and wrest that level of control from their partner because they are the “nice guy” and don’t wish to be “nasty” in any way. Read the above and understand that actually you are giving them a huge gift. You are taking all the responsibility for the sexual encounter on yourself. If it is a good fuck or a bad fuck, it is on you. This feels like a lot to take on... but then remember that by doing this you are giving yourself a massive edge! You are 10 times more likely to make a sub come if you are in charge, if you control the interaction and what goes on. With this in mind, why wouldn’t you take control?

For all (wo)men out there who are afraid of taking control in the bedroom – remember the gift you are giving your sexual partner. Now go out there and fuck their brains out.