Everyone is a little insecure when it comes to having sex... or every normal person has their insecure moments at the very least. We think that this is generally a new relationship thing, that it always occurs when we first sleep with someone the fades over time. This is not true. The problems stem from different areas. With this in mind I am going to break this article up into sex in new relationships and sex in old relationships.
Sex with someone new
When you are sleeping with someone new, you are naturally going to be a little insecure about having sex with them. Let’s break this down.
What you are insecure about – there is the one main driver: You want to please them. For most people that means hoping to make them orgasm. You of course want to orgasm yourself; the ideal is that you both come at the same time – a rare occurrence.
Remember – it is okay to be insecure about this, because the difficulty is true! What many people forget is that as you have never slept with them before, it is unlikely that they are going to be able to come hard. They themselves are caught up in their own nervousness and insecurities about having sex with a new person. So recognise that they are dealing with their own issues and relax. It is normal for it to take time to be able to reach high sexual heights.
Sex with in a new relationship
So you have slept together before, but things are still new. You are still getting to know the other person, and you are still worried about things like making sure your partner is having an amazing time, or that you come a little too early etc etc. A good combatant to this is to focus on listening to the other person. Really listen to what they have to say to you, more importantly listen to what their body has to say when you are doing things. They will tell you what is good and what isn’t and you can quickly move forward from there.
Sex in a long term relationship
You have now been with someone for a decent amount of time. You are comfortable with each other. The big insecurity pit falls here are becoming concerned that things are becoming a little stale, or in some cases your tastes change and so what once turned you on no longer does. Just try and be open with this, talk to the other person about it. Remember that you can mix things up whenever you want, so if you want to do something new and bit different, go ahead and do it.
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