At face value this is quite a simple question. In practise we all know that it is a little more complicated than that. Having sex the first time with anyone is always exciting, and lust takes over from rational emotion. However there are some tell tell signs which should help you determine whether or not relationship has become more then sex, or if it is just sex.
1. The Morning After
There are massive schools of thought who suggest that in order to maintain a long term casual sex relationship; you must never under any circumstances allow your fuck buddy to stay the night. I disagree with this, as I have had several casual relationships where my sex pal has stayed the night and it’s been fine. It also means we can have sex again in the morning. However the morning after can be a good barometer on how much you like someone. When you wake up next to your FWB, fuck buddy…whatever you want to call it ask yourself a few questions:
a) Do you want them to stay?
b) Do you get a feeling that you wish they would leave?
If you answer yes to a) then the chances are there is probably something more than just sex there.
If you answer yes to b) then the chances are you just enjoy sleeping with them but now you need to get back to the day-to-day.
There is no shame in feeling one way or the other, but it is useful to ask yourself these questions if you’re unsure. They will help.
2. Do you want to see your partner outside the bedroom?
This is a more direct question to ask but can become muddled if you’re already friends with the person you’re having sex with. If you find that you just want to meet up with someone for sex then you are just fuck buddies. If however you enjoy going out with someone and then have sex afterwards, it is possible that the two of you enjoy a friends with benefits status in your relationship. Does this mean there is more there? It depends. I would refer you back to “The Morning After” scenario. Friends are great, but you don’t spend as much time with your friends as you would with a partner. If you enjoy holding your friend in the morning after sex and don’t want them to leave, I would suggest there is a deeper connection then just friends with benefits. However a close girlfriend of mine (who is just a friend) recently described a continuing casual sex relationship she had been having with a guy for nearly a year. I’ll let her describe it.
“You know it’s weird, but I was out with Ramone the other night and I found him really boring to talk to. Eventually I just said, you know what let’s go home and just have sex.”
Listen to what your brain as well as your loins are telling you
At the end of the day, you’ll know deep down if someone is just a fuck buddy or something more. Use the above questions as a guide, but remember to listen to what your own mind is telling you. Be honest with yourself and with your partners.
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