Western culture places enormous power on sexual monogamy over casual sex. That reason alone has caused equally enormous disagreement over whether or not casual sex has any rules of engagement just as a long term monogamous relationship does.
The answer is a resounding ‘yes!’
A casual relationship is still a relationship, but in order to learn the rules of engagement we have to define the different types of relationships. People are complicated so it’s very important to know what kind of sex you’re getting into bed for.
The Friend With Benefits
The friend with benefits is typically a casual relationship that has developed from a pre-existing friendship. The rules of engagement for this vary but there are some consistencies that should be noted:
1. If you already have a pre-existing friendship, then you should both be clear that having sex does not mean it will lead to a deeper relationship…even if that possibility is there
2. If one of you meets someone knew, then as a friend you should tell your FWB. It does not spell the end of your casual sex with them – many people still have casual sex on the side whilst dating someone new. Honesty is what makes all the difference
3. Do not hang out with your FWB regularly outside of sex. Again this depends on the type of FWB relationship you have, but generally spending time together outside of the bedroom can sometimes lead one party into believing there is something more, even when there isn’t
4. You don’t have to sleep over. In fact it is healthier to have sex and then have one of you leave right after. Post coital cuddling (and after sex chatting!) can often lead to someone getting hurt because they think there’s something more then there is
5. Practice safe sex
6. Be clear about what you both want at the start
The One Night Stand
1. As this usually happens after meeting a cute guy/girl in a bar, there is really only one rule: leave when both of you are done. If you’re after a quick fuck then there’s no point in pretending it’s more then it is. Sleeping over is fine, but if one of you is still there after breakfast you could be going into deeper territory…
2. Practice safe sex
The Fuck Buddy
1. You are there for one reason: to fuck. No chit chat (although dirty talk and flirting is fine), no dinner, no flowers and no obligation.
2. Don’t second guess anything. Again; you’re there to have sex, not to ask questions like “Is this going anywhere?”
3. Be adult about the situation. You’re not lovers. You’re fuck buddies. You are there to fulfil a physical need that everyone has. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Just be honest about the situation.
4. Practice safe sex
5. Be clear about these rules right from the start
Whilst there are subtle differences to each form of casual sex, there are similarities the two key ones being:
- Practice safe sex
- Be very clear about what you both want from the beginning
So bear these in mind…and we wish you happy and safe fucking.
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