Online Dating Etiquette

How do I act? What do I say? What do I do? What are the rules? Are there rules? What is the online dating etiquette for a first date?

Having been on more then a few dates (both positive and negative) from the online world, I have compiled a few ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’ to help you navigate your way through something that should be a lot of fun.

DO
Turn up on time
This goes for both parties. There’s nothing worse then turning up late to meet someone for the first time in person. This is particularly true of online dating. It doesn’t matter how well you’ve gotten on with someone you’ve been chatting to – if you turn up late, chances of a second date let alone a close encounter will be slim.

Unless you’re Brad Pitt or Megan Fox.

DON’T
Turn up drunk or high
A bit of Dutch Courage is often seen to be the perfect way to warm up for a first date. Some people even think that a quick spliff will calm the nerves and make them feel more relaxed. No harm right?

WRONG!

My friend Mel (not her real name) turned up to meet a guy (let’s call him ‘Steve’) in a bar in central London. They’d been chatting online for several weeks and had been getting on really well. He was a Quantity Surveyor and Mel works as an architect so professionally they had a lot in common.

Mel arrived first and perched herself atop a table with high stools within easy sight of the entrance to the bar. Ten minutes later Steve staggered through the door and…walked right past Mel to the toilets not even acknowledging her. A few minutes later he lurched out and did a tour of the bar, obviously looking for Mel who was watching him from her table with ‘slight bemusement’ she told me later. Eventually Steve found her and leaned in to give her a peck on the cheek where Mel caught the full whiff of the JD and cokes he’d been downing beforehand.

An hour passed whereby Steve ordered more drinks for the both of them. By 9pm he was paralytic and had fallen off his stool three times. At 9.10pm Mel said that it was nice to have met him but that she really had to be going. Steve gallantly walked Mel to the tube and just as they’d said goodbye, vomited on her shoes.

He didn’t even offer to buy her a new pair.

LESSON – Don’t drink, no matter how nervous you are.

DO
Let a friend know where you’re going
Sounds obvious, but the number of people who arrange to meet someone they’ve been chatting to online but don’t tell anyone where they’re going is staggeringly high amongst both sexes.

Case in point: my friend George had been chatting to a girl called Simone online for about a few weeks and they had been getting on really well. When they met up, it turned out Simone used to be ‘Simon’ and had undergone a sex change operation the year before.

The date went on for another hour out of politeness but George wished he had a better excuse to leave other then ‘it’s getting late’. It was 8pm.

Whilst this is rare it does illustrate how important it is to meet someone before going any further with them and how useful and safe it can be to let a friend know where you’re going. A pre-arranged text or call can pay dividends and keep you relaxed and comfortable.

DON’T
Start texting or checking your phone constantly
It’s rude, insulting and a complete turn off to the other person. Yes, we all know how important you are. But if you have no time to talk to me why did you bother turning up to meet me in the first place?

Put the phone away.

DO
Meet in a public place
It’s safer and means that you can both leave the date as early or late as you want. If there's a spark you can always head somewhere more private after...

DON’T
Start talking about your Exes
This isn’t rocket science and I shouldn’t even have to mention it. Your shit is your shit. Keep it to yourself.

DO
Let the other person know you’d like to see them again if you want to
Both sexes are equally crap at communicating how they really felt about the last few hours. So be honest. If you like the other person and enjoyed yourself, let them know! No one is a mind reader.

DON’T
Be nasty if the date didn’t go well
Okay, so you’ve just spent the last 2 hours with ’Attila the Hun’ or ‘The-Woman-Who-Used-To-Be-A-Man’. Everyone’s different. Just because you didn’t get on with them, doesn’t mean you have to knock the confidence out of them by letting them know how fuck ugly you thought they were.

Final Thoughts
I could go on forever about what you should and shouldn’t do, but at the end of the day if you follow the points above you should be okay.

Finally try and remember to relax! Dating and sex are supposed to be fun. Treat them that way, and you’ll instantly have a better time.