When people get married they promise all sorts of things, and they intend to keep all of them. They promise to love and hold each other, they promise to be there for each other in both the good and the bad times. They promise to be married and hold to these vows for the rest of their life… and at the time of making these promises that usually mean them. Things do change, however, and being flexible to life’s changes is an important thing to thrive and be happy. There is a stream of people that find themselves still wanting to be with their married partner, but also desire sex with other people. In this article, I am going to talk about some of the ways that people approach this issue and the benefits and detriments to each of these choices.
People suppress their desires
Some people simply suppress their desires. They want a fuck buddy, but they either lack the emotional intelligence to have one, or they are too scared to take any action that might threaten their current life. The benefit to this is that nothing changes… however, even this is not true. By suppressing your desires you are crushing your authentic self. This is going to damage who you are in the marriage and potentially make you a less desirable mate. Self-suppression is never a good thing. Whilst this is a popular choice, I think that it is a poor one and the pressure of lying to yourself about what you want can often destroy your current relationship.
Cheat on the person
If you want a fuck buddy who is discrete, you can likely find them. There are plenty of people in this world who are also looking for a fuck buddy to cheat on their partner with, so you can likely find them. The benefits of this are that you get to explore sleeping with other people whilst maintaining your marriage, as long as you don’t get caught. The danger is getting caught! Like the option above, you are lying to your partner and again this is a dangerous thing for you as well as them.
Tell them and sleep with someone openly
The New York Times had an excellent article recently about someone telling their fiancé about their new girlfriend. The outcome from the story is that openness really served them both well. They loved each other, they were committed to each other, but they did not wish for a life of sex with the other person and no one else. So they kept true and honest to each other whilst still seeing other people. There are enough people out there who manage to make this work to show that this is more than just luck or an exception that proves the rules. You can make it work, though there is a risk.
Personally, I would always advise honesty. There is always a risk in life, being honest is the only way to give yourself the best chance of a happy outcome in the long term.
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