To say that someone is ‘kinky’ or ‘vanilla’ is to ignore the wide and varied world of fetishes and sexual preferences nestled under the umbrella term of ‘kinky’. Simply put, it’s hard to say someone is truly vanilla or kinky. Everyone is different and everyone has different ways to enjoy their sexuality. Just because you enjoy being spanked does not mean you are into BDSM. Just because you enjoy having sex in the missionary position, does not mean you only enjoy having vanilla sex. As a culture, humans are obsessed with labelling things. You have to fit one label or another or we simply just don’t understand your position. It is no different when it comes to enjoying sex.
No problems here!
Supporters of BDSM and supporters of Vanilla sex have an unfortunate habit of trying to defend their positions and attack any opposing views. I went to a Japanese rope tying class a few years ago led by a legendary instructor. He was a really nice guy who earns his living from teaching and demonstrating the art of Japanese Shibari. Loosely translated it is rope tying for pleasure. He took us all through the basic beginner knots and had us practice on one another, which was quite funny. He also showed us a couple of his videos where he has travelled the world practising his art with various other performers. Make no mistake; what this man does is an art.
However, there came a point in the class where we were all discussing the various preferences and methods people use to enjoy sex. We got onto the topic of vanilla sex – a term that the instructor himself used – and its application worldwide. It was clear to anyone in the room that he did not have much time for vanilla sex, which is fine obviously. To each his own. What I do remember quite clearly however is the tone he employed when talking about vanilla sex. Dismissive, negative and at one point sneering. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he meant anything by it. He just said what he was feeling. However he failed to take into account that there are millions of people around the world who enjoy vanilla sex just as much as he enjoys kinky sex.
Room for both
What I learned in that class was that we all need to be a little more understanding of each other when it comes to sex. I might like vanilla sex over kinky sex. You might prefer BDSM to vanilla. What we must not do – and what we are all guilty of at one point or another – is to judge one another based on our sexual preferences. Just because someone does not enjoy BDSM does not mean they are worth less sexually than someone who does.
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